Feeling Trapped

Hey Friends, I’m glad you have joined me on this journey to thrive and live on purpose. Do you have a situation in your life that makes you feel like there is no way out. You feel so trapped that you begin to use your survival instinct. It’s like one falls in the river and begins to struggle to stay afloat, trying very had to survive. All one can think about at that point is just trying to survive. One can feel trapped in marriage, in a difficult financial situation or a job leading no where.

Today I want to talk about how you can get out of feeling trapped. I want to show you what is possible and this would work for you only if you are ready to try on some new thoughts – yes thoughts, my friend. I want to shift you out of survival mode to thriving mode and it all begins with your thoughts about whatever the situation might be.

There was a time I felt stuck in my finances, and looking back the one thing that changed that had a ripple effect on my feelings, action and results started from my thoughts. It gave me the empowerment and the result I so desired in my finances. So my friend I want to start by asking you, what thoughts have you internalised as true about that situation - your marriage, your job, your finances which is not serving you? By 'serving you' I mean it is not giving you the desired result you want. Do you think ‘my spouse is the problem and he cannot change’, or ‘my money is never enough for me there is so much to do with it’, or ‘I hate my job’. These thoughts that you have taken as final truths are driving your feeling of being trapped. You might want to argue with me and say, 'Sylvia it is the truth' but I would still say, not so my friend, not so. There is a saying that goes like this: If you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them. Why argue for the thoughts that are not serving you? Are those thoughts about your spouse, finances, family or job serving you? Let’s examine our thoughts. The bible says guide your heart with all diligence because out of it flows the issues of life. I am not asking you to suppress the thoughts you are having about the situation. I am asking you to try out a new thought. You chose that thought in the first place and you can try out a new one.

Let’s take the thought about your spouse as an example. Say you have the thoughts like ‘I married the wrong guy’, ‘we are not compatible’, ‘I don’t love him as much anymore’, ‘I feel trapped’. These thoughts are your interpretation of the situation which in this case is your spouse. The situation is always neutral, it is neither bad or good, it is the thoughts that you give to it that makes it so. So in this case your spouse is not the problem – it is just the situation. For this particular situation – your spouse you have been internalising these thoughts - I married the wrong guy, we are not compatible and so on, as a result you have been stacking up evidence to support your thoughts and as a result you feel trapped and start acting defensive, nonchalant and you are not able to make plans or have a productive conversation with your spouse, which results in you both growing farther and farther apart. That my friend is what your thoughts that led to your feelings, leading to your action and then the undesired result can look like. You feel he is the problem but if you really examine it your thoughts about him is the problem. I feel like I have lost some people in the room at this point! but I want to challenge you to not argue to keep the thoughts that are not serving you. In this example, I presume that you want a thriving marriage, so let’s start from there - the result you want. What thoughts will one with a thriving marriage have? Let’s try on thoughts like: 'I choose to love my spouse' – yes love is a choice my friend; 'He and I think differently and that’s okay, sometimes he is right and sometimes he is wrong. He is not always wrong and I am not always right'. Or another thought like: 'I choose to treat my spouse with respect and curiosity'. 'If I can respect my friend, why can’t I respect my spouse'. Try on one or few of these thoughts, keep internalising them regarding your spouse and watch your feelings about him shift. Being intentional with your thoughts will produce the feelings, action and result you get in your marriage.

We often think others are responsible for our thinking, feeling, action and result but that is incorrect. You are responsible for your thought process and result. I use this on a regular basis to thrive in my marriage, my relationships, my finances and life in general. The bible says take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. Christ is the word of God made flesh. So change your thoughts to the word of God that serves you best in that situation. Remember the bible verse that says we should think about whatsoever is true, honourable, right, pure, lovely and admirable. You can change that thought my friend. When you recognise you are feeling trapped about a situation, ask yourself what thoughts have I taken to be true about this situation? Take that thought captive from your mind and reprogram a better thought that would serve you in the situation.

Your mind is the battlefield my friend so change those thoughts in your mind by trying out better thoughts. Dare to see things differently, think differently, and don’t stay stuck in your old ways of thinking. Give others grace when thinking about them and put yourself in their shoes to understand where they are coming from so it can help you think a better thought about them, which will in turn produce a more thriving result for yourself.

You have to start from a position of faith that there is a way out of this trapped feeling. Faith is the substance of things hoped for. This means you need to have hope to apply faith. Changing your thoughts about that situation breeds hope, which in turn gives your faith substance to see a way out, so you can put action to what you see and ultimately get a more desirable result concerning the situation. There is so much to say to you but until next time my friend, it's your host Sylvia Nwokolo, cheering you on to keep winning, shining and thriving. God bless.

Sylvia Nwokolo is a Wellbeing Transformation Coach and Author.

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