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Negative Mind Reading

Updated: May 29

Hey Friends, It is so easy to tell our side of a story and include what others where thinking in the story. This way of reading people’s thoughts can be to our disadvantage as well as our advantage, that is, when we feel they are thinking good about us. But today I want us to talk about the negative impact of mind reading. OK let’s be real, do we think that we actually know what others are thinking? Sometimes I put myself in check by asking; Sylvia, how do you know that’s what they were thinking? Often times they are all made up based on our state of mind and how we perceive the person in question. This is part of the story we tell our selves and I want to empower you on how you make up stories that would be for your good. I have often fallen prey to thinking I know where a conversation is leading especially with my husband, as a result I become defensive with a defensive tone, but it might have just been leading to a different conversation. We are not such mind readers as we think, the only mind we read is from our perception – our thoughts. So my friend be careful how you make up stories because you can walk around being defensive and judging people before you have had the opportunity to know them. I’ll give you some main pointers to bare in mind. One, stay curious. Stay curious when conversing with people. Have an open mind to give them the benefit of a doubt. Staying curious helps you protect your thought process as well against having a negative perception.

Another way to put negative mind reading in check is to control your thoughts. You can’t control what others are thinking but you can control what you are thinking. What thoughts do you have towards that person? Examine your own mind. If you are having negative thoughts about someone it will show up in your atitude towards the person and the way you talk to that person. Control your thoughts. Sometimes we interpret other people’s actions wrongly. In such instances did we pause to consider: what if that person did not really mean it as we think they did. What if their intention is not what we have interpreted their action to mean? You’ve heard this saying, We tend to judge others by their action and judge ourselves by our intention. Pause and ask yourself, what else was this person intending to achieve by saying this or doing this to me?

Even if that’s what they were really thinking, do we have to go down to their level and allow them to get to us? Be mindful of your triggers. Let’s not be stuck in thinking that everyone is out to get us because even if they were, we have given them access to our minds to entertain their wrong thinking. Our actions would then be based on what we think they are thinking about others. In essence you are indirectly controlled by them.

The mind is a powerful place. Whatever controls your mind, controls you. Are you controlled by God’s word which says to think about whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely & whatever is admirable? Think on these things my friends. Out of the fullness of the heart, the mouth speaks, so what is your heart full off. Let not strive and bitterness take over your thinking.

Take every thought captive and bring it in subjection to the word of God. Mind reading others can put unnecessary pressure on us and make us strive to prove a point which is not necessary. When in reality, you are only proving that point to yourself cos you decided that that was what others where thinking of you. When you are on a journey and you are focused on the destination, you are not too bugged down by people driving annoyingly on the journey. However If you make their bad driving about you, you will have thoughts like ‘oh he thinks he is a better driver’ and start racing with the other guy in his car, trying to prove a point, forgetting that you are on a journey to your own unique destination. Instead, why not empower yourself with thoughts like, ‘I wonder where he is rushing to’ – curiosity. You see making other’s action solely about you can cause you to have the wrong perception about their action. Their action may have been based on another thought in their own head which you really did not know anything about.

Now you might say Sylvia, I know this person he or she never thinks anything good about me. Even it’s true and that is really want they are thinking, you are falling into their hands and allowing them to control you by thinking the same thought. You want to keep your mind stayed on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely & admirable. It is better to guide your heart diligently.

If spiritually you discern that the story is true, that the person is actually out to get you. You knowing about it, is for a better purpose, not to think evil of the person but to pray for the person, to be aware of the person and to function from a place of wisdom and love. Jesus modelled this for us in his dealings with the religious Jewish leaders. He knew they were out to get him but it didn’t change who he was. He functioned from the place of wisdom and love and so can we.

One last thought my friend, do you know you can change the story to what empowers you? You can take that negative thought to court and try on other thoughts. To the man that cuts in on you in traffic, you say, ‘I wonder why he is rushing – silly billy’; to the friend that did not call you as promised, you say, ‘she must have had a very busy day’; to the other friend that posted those lovely pictures of her holiday on social media, you say, ‘it was not to make me envious, it’s just her way of expressing herself’. You can change the story to what you want because that empowers your faith in that person and allows you to keep functioning from a place of love. Try on different thoughts my friend because to be honest, people’s actions are not always about you. I tell myself this often - the world does not revolve around you Sylvia and the world is not out to get you so don’t take people’s actions personal. They might have other intentions so remain curious and keep your heart pure. And I will say the same to you my friend. Guide your heart carefully so that you can keep winning, shining and thriving. Until next time, it’s your host Sylvia Nwokolo saying God bless.

Sylvia Nwokolo is a Wellbeing Transformation Coach and Author.

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