Hey friend, good to have you with me today. If I were to describe in one word how people have made introverts feel. Underestimated comes to mind; Not seen is another one – but that would be a topic for another day, cos today I want us to unpack that feeling of being underestimated and how to ride above the tides. That feeling can be so hurtful and sometimes you might turn it back on yourself and feel that there is something wrong with you. This can begin to affect your self worth and you could even go as far as trying to proof them wrong. The problem with that is that you can become a poppet who is living to proof everybody wrong instead of living to fulfil your God given inner purpose. Look my friend you are not responsible for how others perceive you, you are responsible for how you perceive you, and your perception of you better be flaw-some! Flawed and awesome at the same time. I remember the first time I heard this quote was from my brother years ago – no one can embarrass you without your permission. It was a breakthrough quote for me. I am not responsible for how someone sets out to treat me but I am responsible for how I allow that treatment affect me or rules my actions. Let me put it differently - people’s opinion do not matter unless you make it matter. No one can make you small without your permission; no one can embarrass you without your permission, because it really has to do with your mindset. Your transformation takes place by renewing your mind and this my friend is what we need to do consistently. It first starts with you – your self worth. If I ask you to rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10, how much of a human being you are, what would you say? You would be clueless and rightly so because humans cannot be rated. I cannot rate that you are 5 out of 10 a human and I am 9 out of 10 a human, that would be so weird. The truth is you are either human or you are not. So why do we tend to think less of ourselves? Your self worth is not dependent on how you feel in the morning or how others make you feel but by recognising who you really are and knowing that you are enough as you are. When you have unconditional self acceptance of yourself, you accept yourself as a worthy human being without strings attached. So it doesn’t matter how you feel you are 100% human.
There is a difference between self confidence and self worth. Self confidence has to be fed by an external factor; you have to consistently do something to feel self confident; it is a feeling. Self worth is from the inside. It is a knowing from the inside, it doesn’t have to do with external factors. It is an unconditional self acceptance of self. My friend you have to focus on recognising your self worth, embodying your self worth and this will in turn show up in your self confidence.
I remember when I relocated to the UK and started a new job; I felt a little out of place even with my years of experience as an engineer in Nigeria, I was the only black and female engineer, and it was like that for some years. I experienced the culture shock as well as the feeling of being underestimated by some few. At first I felt like I needed to prove myself but the thought of it felt tiring. I instead took another approach – I worked on my self worth by reminding myself regularly of who I am in the eyes of my maker. I was made fearfully and wonderfully. God so loved me that he sent his only son to die for me. So if God thinks I am worth it, I am definitely worth it. It is not based on culture or race – we are all equal in the sight of God. He paid a high price for me. I also reminded myself that I got here by merit. I know my stuff, get the work done and achieve desired results at work; no one can take that from me. By recognising my self worth, it sipped into my self confidence.
As an introvert, some people might tend to underestimate you, cos you are not the loudest person in the room. They either talk down at you or feel they can ride over you to get their way. This can make you feel hurt and want to give up on pursuing your dreams. Let me tell you my friend, it is not a problem if people underestimate you; the problem is if you underestimate your self.
Are you underestimating you?
Are you taking on other’s perception of you?
If you are, let’s deal with this. How you might ask? By knowing your self worth. You have to focus on recognising your self worth, embodying your self worth and this will in turn show up in your self confidence. Start by writing down the truth about yourself as a human being, worthy of the air you breath and the space you occupy; then say it consistently to embody the truth. This truth will set you free from the bondage of trying to proof yourself to others. This truth will make you show up in your world with the knowledge of who you are and the empathy to treat others with respect even when they don’t deserve it. This truth will give you permission to pursue your dreams unapologetically, without holding back, and be all that you are destined to be. I will end this episode by reminding you that you are loved and a child of the most high God; you have all you need for life and Godly living. Know your worth and don’t underestimate yourself.
Until next time my friend, its your host Sylvia Nwokolo reminding you to Keep winning, thriving and shining. God bless.
Sylvia Nwokolo is a Wellbeing Transformation Coach and Author.
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