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Past Hurt

Hey friends It's Sylvia Nwokolo, and I'm glad you have joined me on this journey to enlighten you to thrive and be all that you are called to be.

When we experience emotional or physical pain caused by someone it can be very hard to forgive and forget. We can carry the pain with us like a limp and talk about it to any one who cares to hear. Often we can find solace in just doing this that it becomes our identity, but do we really want to do this? To make it our identity? I know it’s not easy to let go of a painful situation so let's talk about how to process them. While I believe that your feelings are valid and it is caused by a thought. I also believe that the thought that caused the feelings should always be examined. We call it taking your thoughts to court. I believe as one who wants to thrive in this life we are required to question your thoughts and not just believe it hook, line and sinker. Past hurt comes from past action by you or someone else which results in a thought about that action and results in a feeling, which if allowed to, can affect the way you do life. Growing up, there are things I witnessed in my childhood that caused me to decide to do things differently. There are certain hurtful situation that you might have gone through as a child that causes you to get triggered. I want you to win in life and holding on to past hurt causes you to look back instead of forward. I do not take lightly what you faced when growing up or even in your recent past. But what I want to do is stop that thing from having a negative effect on you. I want you to start seeing things with fresh eyes.

How can you do this? By First recognising that to err is human and human beings will disappoint you because they have a mind of their own, they will not always get it right or do things as you expect them to but that is ok. Make peace with that - that you are not dealing with robots but you are dealing with human beings that have a mind, will and emotion.

Also recognise that to forgive is divine – learning to forgive frees you up more than the other person – I would talk in depth about the power of forgiveness in another episode, but in other to let go of hurt, forgiveness is necessary. Look at it this way: as Christians we needed a saviour to come to this earth to save us from the curse of sin, and if we say we are Christians and embrace God’s love and forgiveness, how can we not forgive our fellow human? It reminds me of the story that Jesus told in the bible of a servant who owed millions of dollars to the king and the king who first was planning to lock the servant up till he could pay, turned around and had pity on him, released him and forgave him all his debt. But this same servant after receiving his master's total forgiveness, went to his fellow servant who owed him a few thousands, refused the fellow servant's plea for a little time to pay back, instead he put him in prison till he could pay in full. You can find the full story in Matthew chapter 18 vs 21- 35, where Jesus talked about forgiveness. The verse that I find profound is in verse 33, you see when the king heard what the servant did to his fellow servant he called the servant he had forgiven and said to him – Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant just as I had mercy on you? Mercy – compassion, we are called to be compassionate and merciful to one another. I often ask myself - who am I to hold that grudge against that person when I have been forgiven fully? This normally put me in check. That does not mean you deliberately put yourself in harms way again if you have been hurt but to forgive their human nature so that you can release yourself from the other person’s grip. Forgiving is letting go and giving it to God. Forgiveness is not allowing the person rent free space in your thoughts and mind, but freeing up your head from the grudge you hold on the other person. Another way I use to let go of hurt is to recognise that everyone is doing the best they know how to do with the information they have and situation they are in. The best might not be good enough in your eyes but it seemed ok in their eyes at the time. So while recognising that I might not agree with their best, that is the way they handled things, I am responsible to choose my best. What will my best be in this situation? Pay them back or forgive and let them go? It’s a choice. You see this often happens in family relationships. It is so easy for us, as we grow up to blame our parents for what happened to us in the past or think that they should have done things better, but I want you to try on this thought - my parents did the best they knew how to do at that time, and while I might not agree with everything or I feel hurt by some of the things they did, I am in a better position to do things better. Let’s resist the urge to hold others to ransom, because in doing that, we indirectly hold ourselves to random. As a parent I know I am doing the best for my kids and from time to time they say to me - I didn’t quite like that you took that approach but thanks for doing it cos I now understand how it has helped me. But while they understand this, I know that there are still things they might not like, which they talk about now and will talk about when they grow up. However it is an opportunity for them to take a different stand to do things their way when the ball is eventually in their court. The motive matters and as long as I am leading from a place of love, compassion and exhibiting the fruit of the spirit, I am fine with that. We are different human beings and we will do things differently.

So my friend, I do not take your past hurt lightly but in other to not let that hurt control your future, think on these things. It is human nature to err; It’s my responsibility to forgive and as human beings we behave and do things differently; everyone is doing the best they can for themselves. Will the best for me be to hold the past hurt or let it go so I can have a thriving life? Think on these things my friend until next time, keep winning, shining and thriving. God bless.

Sylvia Nwokolo is a Wellbeing Transformation Coach and Author.

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