Boundaries

Today let's dive into Boundaries and how necessary boundaries are for you. Why you should set boundaries and accept other people's boundaries without taking it personal or feeling offended by them. Boundaries are your personal preferences that guide the way you do life. Setting healthy boundaries is both good for you and for the others you interact with. Be rest assured that not everyone will like or respect the boundaries you set but to be honest that should be their problem to deal with not yours. Especially as an introvert, setting boundaries is a way of saying yes to yourself, a way of valuing your energy and how you want to show up in life. You must be okay setting boundaries because the way you show up serves you and others well. Do you have a time when you withdraw to replenish your energy? or do you let everyone have access to you at any time of the day? Do you have times when you are available to others emotionally, physically, online or offline? It matters that you become self aware to the extent that you use your energy effectively and take care of what really matters to you.

We know it says in the word of God - without vision the people cast out restraint meaning without a vision for your life anything goes. Therefore you must have a vision for your life, you must know thyself as its commonly said and know where you want to go with the gift and talent God had given you. You must know how you want to serve others. When you have given all these a thought and have become self aware in that context, it is more easy to set boundaries. For instance, my daughter has a vision of what grades she wants to get for her GCSE, so as a result she has worked out that for her to put in the required work, there are some boundaries she needs to put in place. She places her phone down at a particular time when she gets back from school so she can truly study. That's her boundary, even I can't reach her on her phone at certain times and it could be frustrating to me but that's her boundary.

Boundaries can be viewed negatively especially when enforcing them but they are overall good for us when we have them in place. Boundaries are not something you expect someone else to do meaning they are not an action meant for another; they are an action meant for yourself to enforce. As a parent that wears many heart, at a certain phase of your life, it should be clear to those around you, even your kids when they can have your full attention and when they can't. This clears up their expectation of you and helps you bring up children that are not needy.

Setting boundaries with children gives them a reference frame to work with. Without them they would be a danger to themselves and a burden to you. What do you mean by a danger to themselves? Let me explain. When children don't have boundaries it means they would find it difficult knowing how and when to say no to themselves and no to others, and they risk becoming people pleasers. You setting boundaries for your kids teaches them how to honour you, themselves and others.

For example when kids are still babies most wake up anytime of the night seeking the attention for food or nappy change, but as that child grows older you begin to set boundaries for the child in the name of routine. the routine gives the child a bit of stability as to what to expect from himself or herself and what to expect from you.

Boundaries should not be seen as something that is maintained for life. I want you to see it in phases. Your boundaries can change depending on the phase of life you are, how you want to show up in life and how you want to manage your emotions. You cannot give from an empty cup so you need these boundaries to make sure your cup is always full to give from.

Going back to the word of God which we mentioned earlier, when there is no vision the people cast off restraint. You should be restraint by your vision for life. This brings about boundaries. You are not in this world to be used by people or become an emotional dumping ground to all without any form of self regulation. You are called for much more and you should have a vision for your life. This is why you need restraint - you need boundaries. Your boundaries should keep you expanding and vision oriented, not make you shrink back and play small. Your boundaries will be set by you but not necessarily respected by everyone - and that's okay. As long as YOU respect them, that's what matters. If others have your best interest at heart, they will respect them too. They might not like it but they should respect it but if they don't, that's on them. What matters is that those boundaries you have set serves to bring out the best in you and your vision for life.

So I want you to think my friends, what are those boundaries that you need to start setting for you to be the best version of yourself? Do not be a people pleaser or allow others to manipulate you. Set boundaries that would help you expand, thrive in life and be all that God has called you to be. Until next time my friend, its your host Sylvia Nwokolo reminding you to keep winning, shining and thriving. God bless.

Sylvia Nwokolo is a Wellbeing Transformation Coach and Author.

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