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At one point in your life you must have said the phrase I don't have any friends, maybe when you were a teenager or even as a grown up. It might have been true or coming from experience it might be the emotion of the moment speaking at that particular time. Whatever your story was I know that a lot of us struggle with making friends especially as introverts. So today I want to talk about how to make friends I mean genuine friends, and the things to note about friendships.

As an introvert being alone is not a problem for you. But the fact that you are cool with being on your own most of the time does not mean that you should not intentionally make friends. You have too much to bring to a friendship, there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother / sister. You cannot afford to do life alone. People need you as much as you need them. I believe the way friendships have been showcased by the world in this social media era might make you think that making friends is draining and demanding. But you see my friend, you don't have to have loads of friends, you need meaningful connections that you sow into and they sow into you as well. Genuine friendships make you thrive. You have so much genius in you to hide it away from the world. The thought of making friends can be overwhelming but I want to break it down as I have often told my kids. It is a process and there is someone out there wishing that they had a friend the same way you are wanting the same.

So first thing is to pray about it - divine connection. I believe in the divine connection that God is able to make all grace abound towards you and connect you with like minded people or see people in your circle that you have totally ignored.

Second point is, while you are praying and expecting make sure you are your genuine authentic self and that you are living out your purpose without feeling inadequate. I have scriptures of affirmation that my kids say to themselves to remind themselves who they really are. I want to remind you that You are worthy. You are complete. You are unique. You are loved by God. You are beautiful inside out. You are blessed and highly favour. You are wonderfully and fearfully made.

When you begin to embody who you really are, you wouldn't want to be someone else. You would embrace yourself with all your supposed flaws knowing that you are worthy to walk this earth and anyone who hangs out with you is as priviledge as you are to hang out with them. With this perspective of who you are, you will not shrink back. You don't need many friends; one or few will do, depending on the phase or season of life you are in and what you can handle. You don't want needy friends that are high maintenance and seek validation from others - that would be too exhausting for you. That's why I always encourage people to go on the journey of embracing their value so you don't become that needy friend seeking validation from others. You are worthy to breath and walk this earth and be all that God has destined you to be - don't shrink back - know who you are.

The third point to make is being vulnerable enough to have conversations that might or might not lead to genuine friendship. As an introvert you might find one on one conversations satisfying. So stepping out and actually having these conversations would open our eyes and lead us to discover the people we genuinely are compatible with.

One key thing to note about friendships is that Friendship would not always last - it could come in seasons and phases of life so don't hang unto what was, instead of moving with what is. Don't think that you are of less value because someone has stopped being your friend.

I had a friend whom I met when she was still single and searching a few years back and I was married. We used to meet very consistently for few years during that time I coached her through letting go completely of an ex boyfriend to let the new and eventually the new came and she is happily married and expecting. We don't see any longer but that was a relationship for that season. It was lovely talking to her and being honest with her about her relationships - she probably would not have accepted the advise from her closest friends at that time but I was glad to be friends to walk her into her desire to get married coupled with sharing my faith journey of how I met my husband. That season is over and I recognise that. Recognise when a Friendship is seasonal and has ended. It is not a life time commitment, it is not marriage!

Having said that you can have friends that turn to sisters that you keep for a long time, that no matter where they go, when you connect with them it is like they get you and you get them. You don't have to force this kind of friendship, they just happen.

Now you might be thinking, Sylvia I haven't found that one yet, don't worry what really matters is having friendships in your life that is relevant to your journey as you go through life. Be vulnerable and connect with people one on one and be ready to bring your awesomeness to the table, If you both are compatible, you would know to intentionally keep the relationship going.

The last point I would like to make about friendship is Invest in Friendship. About my seasonal friend of a few years ago, we invested in meeting consistently, having a drink or a meal and chatting. For some years now I have a friend that I speak to at least once a week to chat and pray, it has grown ever since then because we took time to invest in it. You know that friend that has been on your mind to meet up with, why not call or text her and get a date in your calendar and continue to do so as far as you both are willingly to. Sharing your live with others is being vulnerable and as Brene Brown would say, vulnerability takes courage but it is so much worth it. If you are listening to me now and have still not found friendship, I pray for you to find that connection and I hope for you that you would embrace the true genuine you, so when that friendship shows up you would be vulnerable enough to have a conversation that would help you discover if it is meant to be. If it isn't meant to be keep moving cos that divine connection would definitely find you as long as you stay open friendship. You have so much to bring to your friendship so never underestimate yourself. Until next time, my friend it is your host Sylvia reminding you to keep winning shining and thriving. God bless.

Sylvia Nwokolo is a Wellbeing Transformation Coach and Author.

For your free breakthrough call, click here.

To get Sylvia's new ebook Godly, Thriving & Confident Kids, click here

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