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Letting Go

Hey Friends, I’m glad you have joined me on this journey to thrive and live on purpose. Today I want to talk to you about letting go. Especially in the context of control; not controlling others but controlling yourself and things around you. I must confess this is a work in progress for me too and I have seen the impact it has had not only in my life but the lives of people around me. There was a season in my life where I got everything figured out in terms of my routine and how I wanted things to run; my peace of mind was tied to this and it was hard to let others disrupt it for me either by asking for help or accepting help. I know this can be a challenge for many of us so I want to empower you today why and how to slowly but cautiously let others into your world in terms of letting go and embracing the help and love of others. We often find it hard to let go when we have built a wall around us because of what might have happened to us while growing up or experiences of the past. While these reasons are valid, I believe there are higher connections you can reach when you let the right people into our world. No man is an island, the bible says – iron sharpens iron so a friend sharpens the countenance of his friend. The guard we have put up served us in a season of our lives but I want to challenge you on how to cautiously let it go to embrace the new. Let it go to embrace new friendships, let it go to embrace new connections, let it go to discover new beginnings, let it go to enter your new season.

I still remember when I felt hurt by a family member and I had my guard seriously up, I didn’t want to connect with this person. I had forgiven them but kept my distance. Now there are times when this is a necessary thing to do but in this instance I knew that keeping my distance wasn’t what God wanted me to do. I knew I needed to keep the connection but it was hard for me because it wasn’t the first time I felt hurt by this person. Then I heard God say to me in clear words: who healed you from the times when you were hurt? I knew I couldn’t have gone past those times without God, and he said to me that I don’t have to be worried about getting hurt again, He is my shield, He can heal me again if need be. I saw holding on to my guards as being self-centred when I could let go and experience deeper connections with this person, and equally let God’s light keep shining through me. I realised that person needed me as much as I needed them. Of course with boundaries in place so as not to loose myself, I am more accommodating in the relationship with that person knowing that everyone is doing the best they can with the information they have.

I had to let go in terms of getting everything prim and proper at home. I like things organised and planned at home, making sure things are done properly for my peace of mind. However as my kids where getting older, I knew I had to start letting go of some of these responsibilities in order to equip them for life. For example, I would see the sink looking untidy and I could easily have tidied it up myself in no time, but I would painfully let go of control to let one of my kids do it. Sometimes the chores will not be done immediately or not as perfectly as I would have done it but having the end goal in mind of equipping them, kept me at it. As a result they get better and better and have learnt to do it as perfectly. It was a challenge for me not to interfere with their chores but patience is key for me in building my family and giving them a sense of purpose. It could look messy in the beginning but the end goal is worth it.

I have to let go and accept my husband’s help even in situations when I feel I could do it better. Your spouse will not always do things as you would do it but that is ok. As a result of letting go, I am embracing his uniqueness and emphasizing to him how valued he is to me, which in turn builds deeper connection with him.

I had to let go and let key friends into my world by asking for help or accepting help offered.

You see by letting go, we are open to being vulnerable to other people’s opinion and judgment but it would be liberating to accept that you are going to be misunderstood and not everyone will like your approach to life and that is okay – settle this in your heart. You can’t please everyone. The important thing is living for the audience of one – God. It liberates you from putting up a guard and having to proof and defend your self. God is your strength and your shield. He is your safety net and you can trust in him to shield you.

As I said earlier, people need you as much as you need them, so while it can seem vulnerable asking for help or accepting help, you are giving others a sense of purpose by allowing them to help. My kids or husband can stay out of my way while I do all the work but getting them involved, planning and making decisions with them, gives them a sense of value, responsibility and purpose in the home. When you see asking or accepting help like you are bordering the people around you, you rob them of that sense of belonging and connection with you.

Another angle I am learning to let go is in worrying. Worrying about things that are dear to me. I see letting go of worrying as letting go of controlling the universe. A bible verse that reminds me of letting go is in Job chapter 38, the whole chapter lays this out but I will emphasize verse 4, ‘Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me, if you know so much’. When I catch myself worrying, I say to myself ‘Sylvia where you there when God created the universe? So what makes you think the world lies on your shoulders?’ Read the whole chapter 38 of the book of Job and see the wonders of God’s word. This revelation of God will help you in learning to let go of worry. A song we use to sing growing up says – why worry when you can pray.

So my friend, how do you let go and let people into your world. I would start from this phrase – let go and let God. Let Go and let God into your world, because as you let him in, you begin to see people with the lens in which he sees them too, and then it becomes easy, with his guardians and wisdom to know who and when to let people in, so you can build meaningful connections with vulnerability and purpose. Until next time my friend, it is your host Sylvia Nwokolo reminding you to keep winning, shining and thriving. God bless.

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