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People Pleasing Habits

Hey friends Its Sylvia Nwokolo, and I'm glad you have joined me on this journey to enlighten you to thrive and be all that you were purposed to be. Today I want to talk about people pleasing habits. What are the habits we have formed in other to please people and get them to keep liking us, what effect do these habits have on us and what to do instead. First let's talk about some people pleasing habits. Are you in a habit of saying just what people want to hear and being gullible to other people’s opinions? That’s one habit there. Another habit can be not setting boundaries or not keeping to your boundaries. Now I believe it is not common for someone to say - 'I don’t want to set boundaries, I prefer that anyone can get access to me at any time and give me any task to do. I like to be led by anyone.' - Not quite; no one goes round saying such but we indirectly do it when we allow anyone have access to us at anytime and we are always available without restrictions. Social media makes this possible as we can have our hand held devices with us at all times

When we are always seeking to please everyone around we loose our unique voice and are gullible and unstable in our dealings with others. You might think it is an easy option to take because that means you get to be at peace with everyone and make friends easily, but in other to have deep connections and be a reliable friend or relation, people must see a unique pattern in you. They must know what you stand for and how you do life. If you are always a yes person and you say what others want you to say, yes you would have friends but you would not have genuine friendships. People pleasing makes us bound to other people’s purpose instead of following God’s purpose for our lives. You would be used by others instead of being used by God. You wouldn’t develop the ability to think for yourself and tap into the longing in your heart because the pull to please others will becloud your ability to see you for who God has made you to be. It would be difficult to see where God is leading you and to be all that he has called you to be. You loose your unique voice when you form the habit of pleasing people. People pleasers see themselves through how others see them. And in other to keep seeing themselves as good, they have to constantly keep doing things to make others like them. It is when others like them that they tend to like themselves. I know we all want to be liked in someway so I’m not saying we have to go out of our way not to be liked. We already see that on social media when not many people like our post, we might feel some kind of disappointment. What I’m saying is that being liked should not be the aim in your dealings and interaction with others because that makes you become gullible and unstable especially emotionally. How you might ask? When you have seen evidence of people liking you, you feel great, but when you are not validated by people your mood is affected. When no one likes your social media post, you feel not lovable and you begin to look for evidence that you are not loved. So in other words you think your worth is proved by how others respond to you. That my friend is taking you through a never ending emotional roller coaster, and I want to help you today to push the emergency stop button on these people pleasing habits and stop the emotional roller coaster. To do this there are 3 key points we would discuss.

One is to know your worth. Your worth is not dependent on people. It is who you are already. You are made in the image and likeness of God our father. You were knitted together in your mother’s womb irrespective of the circumstance that led to your birth. Jesus paid the price on the cross for us to live a thriving life and that is not a small price to pay. Think about these things and don’t play down on your worth as a human being. You don’t have to earn your worth, you have it already. See yourself how God sees you so you can start embodying your true nature as a worthy human being. It’s not about what you do for others - you have greatness and worthiness already in you, and the moment you realise it, the more you will step into your purpose, and the more you increase in confidence. Confidence can be earned in the doing but worthiness is embraced in the knowing and being - in the knowing that you are worthy and in just being the human being you were created to be. Remember that you are enough as you are.

The second point that would help you push that emergency stop button on people pleasing is to to live for the audience of one. Living for the audience of the one who created the whole universe makes life less complicated especially in an era where one can be easily judged and misunderstood. When you live to please God, you know what is expected of you and what values to be guided by. You wouldn’t do things contrary to what God expects of you even if it means you have to make an unpopular decision, You can easily know where you stand about a situation without needing to please others, without being tossed here and there by what others want you to do or say. You are not guided by other’s opinion but by God’s opinion and what he expects of you, which leads me to my next point; discover God’s vision for your life – the big picture vision. The bible says my people perish for lack of knowledge. It also says, write the vision make it plain so you may run with it. There is a longing and yearning each of us has to fulfil in this life. This longing lights you up and makes you come alive no matter how far fetched it might be. It is with this big picture that I make plans and assess my progress to know when and how to move forward. I know when to accept an offer and when to refuse. Generally my vision for life determines what I spend my time doing. So it is easy to say no when I need to without mincing words because I’d prefer to spend my time doing what I was created to do – to be used intentionally by God. Now over to you my friend, I’d advise that you spend some time chewing over these 3 points so you can get out of the emotional roller coaster of people pleasing: Knowing your worth, living for the audience of one and discovering God’s vision for your life – the big picture. Until next time my friend, its your host Sylvia Nwokolo reminding you to keep winning, shining and thriving. God bless.

Sylvia Nwokolo is a Wellbeing Transformation Coach and Author.

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