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Shame

Hey friends It's Sylvia Nwokolo, and I'm glad you have joined me on this journey to enlighten you to thrive and be all that you were purposed to be. Today I want to talk to you about Shame, this is a very common emotion that can keep us stuck and in the dark. According to Wikipedia, 'it is an unpleasant self conscious emotion which is often associated with negative self evaluation, motivation to quit, feeling of pain, exposure, distrust, powerlessness and worthlessness.' Wow just listening to this definition should tell us that shame should not be tolerated in our lives. Now I am not looking at shame based on when someone does something that is deemed wrong, that I will class as being convicted and we should often feel convicted to change our actions if we do something wrong. Shame as I initially defined that results in a negative self evaluation, motivation to quit, feeling of pain, exposure, distrust, powerlessness and worthlessness, should not be tolerated. You could say 'ah Sylvia it is easier said than done'. Yes I know if one has constantly felt shame it will take a conscious effort to identify this emotion and nip it in the board when it comes, but it can be done. Ok how do we do that? Again I’m glad you asked! You do this by working backwards – the unpleasant self conscious emotion of shame is brought about by a feeling, which is in turn brought about by your thinking. So let’s start from your thinking. Shame can often be brought about by the way you see and interpret a situation, how you view others expectation of you or your expectation of life itself. This my friend is the fundamental issue, if you really want to get that feeling of shame off, you need to think differently about you. One of the words in the shame definition stuck with me – worthlessness. I believe changing our definition of what makes us worthy will help us change our thinking. Being worthy does not depend on your doing, it has everything to do with your being – being a human being – which you already are. Nothing can take away your worth as a human being and your worthiness cannot be increased or decreased. You are worth Jesus dying on the cross, you are worth the price he paid. Meditating on this alone can open your eyes to who you really are. You are made in God’s image and likeness and he so loved you that he gave his only son to bring you back into relationship with him. This means you - as a human being – his priced possession - are worthy just as you are. You do not have to do anything to earn your worthiness. So this knowledge about worthiness should change your view of others expectation of you. You can’t control what others feel about you, though you can influence it but you can’t control it. However you are in full control of how you feel about you – so I want you to start meditating on who you really are, because knowing this will give you a sense of ownership, that you matter. You can comfortably occupy space without shrinking back. You can make mistakes and it still will not change your worthiness.

Another thinking that keeps us feeling shameful is our expectation of our selves or our expectation of life itself. For instance if you feel you should be married by now but you are still single or you should have kids by now, or you should have gotten to the top of your career by now or you shouldn’t be struggling with life or you should be able to be strong for others. You know all those shoulds and shouldn’ts! When I find myself using them I have to re-evaluate my thinking to set myself free. I want you to set yourself free too by taking the pressure off. Did you form yourself in your mother’s womb? Did you create yourself? Do you know the future? No, but you know the one who does. He formed you, created you and knows your future. So take the pressure off by recognising that you are in safe hands with our God Almighty. He is the one who has taking away our shame and pain. He is the one who gives us glory and lifts our head because we are his and represent him here on earth as ambassadors. So how can an ambassador be living less than the country he represents? How can we as ambassadors and representatives of God here on earth live less than we were created to live? God is on our side and with his help we don't have to be ashamed of where we are in life. Having expectations of ourselves or about life that hasn’t yet manifested can bring about shame if we allow it to. The key is if we allow it to. It's alright to have plans for your life but while you are moving forward with your plans always remember to look back and appreciate how far you have come and what you have achieved so far – that is you making a positive self evaluation of your self. It becomes harder to do this if we constantly compare ourselves with others. That’s the problem. Remember that you have a unique set of fingerprint and have a unique part to play here on earth. Don’t look down on yourself by comparing yourself to others, it only brings about shame and pain. God has the blueprint to your life, get in communion with him, work with him and he would reveal to you your next steps. The words to a famous song says God is fighting for us, Pushing back the darkness, Lighting up the Kingdom that cannot be shaken, In the Name of Jesus, the enemy's defeated. You are part of the kingdom of our God that cannot be shaken, You are his priced possession. God shows forth his glory here on earth through you, so he is at your corner making sure that all he has said concerning you will come to pass. So my friend don’t let worrying about your shoulds or shouldn’ts keep you in the dark, make you play small or make you have a negative evaluation of yourself. Shame thrives in darkness so turn on the light;

turn on the light and recognise you are worthy by meditating on who God says you are;

turn on the light by taking the pressure off from the shoulds and shouldn’ts of life;

turn on the light by intentionally partnering with God to hear his heart beat concerning you and your future;

turn on the light by recognising that you can receive all that God has planned and purposed for you;

turn on the light and walk with a knowing and feeling that shame has no hold on you.

You have all that you require to live a full live. See yourself through the lens of God so you can keep winning, shining and thriving. Until next time my friend, it's your host Sylvia Nwokolo saying You are worthy! God bless you.


Sylvia Nwokolo is a Wellbeing Transformation Coach and Author.

For your free breakthrough call, click here.

To get Sylvia's new ebook Godly, Thriving & Confident Kids, click here

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